(http://reneebooephotography NULL.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/superwoman NULL.jpg)I think I have a unrealistic idea of what it should be like to be a stay at home mom. I actually pictured myself being able to do it all. Before my little one was born I would daydream about being home with my baby and this is what I thought it would look like. I would wake up early in the morning, workout and then fix breakfast for the family. Kiss my husband goodbye as he went off to work and then begin my work day. I truly believed that I would be super productive everyday and that would result in a clean house, laundry washed, dinner on the table at 5:30 all while our sweet baby was well taken care of. Oh and let’s not forget the ample time I would have to be in the office taking care of the photography business.
Well I have been a stay at home mom for eight weeks now and I feel defeated. The above dream that I had flew out the window along with daily showers. I have spent the past few weeks feeling guiltily about my lack of productivity. Every day I set goals and make “to do” lists and each night I look at that list in shame. Things are just not getting done like I thought they would. And to be honest, I have been beating myself up over it.
So I believe it is time to rethink the vision I had for my role as a stay at home madre. I set myself for failure thinking I would be able to do it all. I know that in my mind. I really do. I just need to convince my heart of that truth and move on. So here is my pep talk to myself and any other mom out there that may feel like I do.
1. You are learning a new job. Raising a child isn’t easy and each day is different. You need to just roll with it.
2. Your “to do” list needs to look differently. Add these to your list and see how productive you really are being:
-feed baby
-dress baby
-dress yourself
-hold baby
-eat something for lunch
-calm baby when screaming
-keep baby safe
-put baby down for nap
-feed baby
-feed baby
-feed baby
-love on that baby
3. Things will eventually get done. And then you will have to do them again. House work is never ending. So don’t let it stress you out. Do one task a day and spend more time doing things you love. Life is way too short to stress about a messy house.
4. Realize that you are are only one putting so much pressure on yourself to be superwoman. Your husband is not. Your mom is not. Your friends are not. God is not.
(http://reneebooephotography NULL.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/supermom NULL.jpg)
I need to be reading this everyday to myself until in sinks in. The expectations I have are unrealistic. I admit that. Now I just need to believe it. I want so much to do my new job well. But I need to remember the title of that job, Stay at Home MOM. That’s just it. Being a mom is what is important. Taking care of Elijah is my job. I am not a chef. I am not a maid. Yes, I do need to take care of things, but those things are not my priority. And it is ok if the laundry doesn’t get folded until tomorrow, right? I will just keep telling myself that until I believe it. It’s a struggle to be ok with this idea. But I need freedom from this lie that I must have it all together all the time.
So how do you do it? How do you stay balanced? I would love to hear from you.
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Rebekah - Well, when the art of “balancing” is perfected you let me know! I’ve been trying to balance for 8 1/2 years now. I will say there are parts that get easier, but for the most part, you’re right, you have to just roll with it. Give yourself a little more time, you will get into the “swing” of things and then when the unexpected comes you can throw away the swing and grab the “wing”. I’m so happy for you and know that your check will look different and won’t be as tangible but oh so much more important! Give that sweet boy some hugs and kisses from me!!
Love you!
shari (http://www NULL.sharihensonphoto NULL.com/wp) - i read this article and studied scriptures on what God says about being a wife and a mom. i was really overwhelmed, too and then i ended up just giving up and being a little depressed. the Lord and friends called me out in my priorities. now, my priorities are straight and i’m trying to work on keeping up with the house work and putting my business on the back burner. http://www.gty.org/Resources/Questions/QA188 (http://www NULL.gty NULL.org/Resources/Questions/QA188)
Susie - Oh, Sweetie…you’ve got it right, NOT SuperMom, Eli’s mom!! And a very good mom! Welcome to the wonderful world of motherhood. The hardest job there is AND the BEST job!! I love you !!
Lauren Z - Yes, it is an amazing struggle. I love the article Shari posted. I have a chore list for every week. Before I can go out and do something ‘fun’ each day, the daily chore must be complete…and I make myself get out of the house once a day…so my chore gets done too! Don’t try to tackle too much at once and don’t expect perfection. 🙂
Erin - I am like Lauren, I have a daily chore list. Monday is laundry, Tuesday is groceries, Wednesday floors, Thursday guest bath, Friday master bath and weekends are for linens. Of course, I try to keep up with dishes and meals on a daily basis, but often need Wes’ help for that…or take out. 🙂 And let me tell you, I dont even follow this strictly-it is a loose guidleine for me. Somedays I get nothing done and i am lucky to get my teeth brushed. Other days, I’ll get 3 big chores done with energy to spare. Go with the flow, girl! Also, I found this poem as extra validation after I had my second baby and I was up to my ears in self-disappointment:
Some houses try to hide the fact
That children shelter there,
Ours boasts it quite openly,
The signs are everywhere.
For smears are on the windows,
Little smudges are on the doors.
I should apologize, I guess,
For toys strewn on the floor.
But I sat down with my children
And we played and laughed and read.
And if the doorbell doesn’t shine,
Their eyes will shine instead.
For when at times I’m forced to choose
The one job or the other,
I’d like to cook and clean and scrub,
But first I’ll be a mother.
Author Unknown
Jennfer Mejia - Renee, you are doing so good! I love how open and honest you are. On the days a I feel overwhelmed, I just play more with the kids. 🙂 Somehow that brings me back down to reality. This time I have with them is so very precious and is a gift from God. Laundry may not get done when or how I would want exactly, dishes may be forgotten, and toys may be strung all over the house… but when I see how precious and happy my kids and hubby are the rest just fades away. Eli is so blessed to you have you as his mommy. Love you friend!
MELISSA - Babe, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.!!!!!…Life is not meant to be balanced but to be enjoyed…Elijah and Andy are the Joy of your life, they always come first before chores..Taking photos help you remember who you are!!!!!..Stay on the roller coaster it”s so much fun.! The up’s and downs of life…..
…take each day as it comes…you will have no problems being a great wife and a wonderful mom…because that is—who you are…love you sweetheart…mom