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I had an emotional episode a few days ago while standing in my closet. I bet you can guess right away where this is going! I stood there in front of all my clothes and just had a melt down. It’s been nine weeks since I had my son and I just don’t want to wear maternity clothes any more. But of course my pre-pregnancy clothes are not even close to fitting me again yet. I am going to be real with you, I gained 50lbs during my pregnancy. And after 9 weeks I still have 35lbs to lose. So needless to say, I have issues when finding things to wear. As a mentioned in a previous post I am on a journey to being comfortable in my own skin, but it is just that, A JOURNEY. I have not arrived and some days are more difficult than others. And this particular day was rough.
So what did I do? I sat down in my closet and just cried. I really did. My husband and I had plans that evening, but I was so upset about not having anything that fit my body that I stayed home. Yep. I let my emotions get the best of me and opted out of a lovely evening with my husband and friends because of clothes!!! Not cool. After a few hours of sulking I realized I had set myself up for defeat.Of course my pre-pregnancy clothes are not going to fit yet. That’s just silly to think that I can squeeze 35 additional pounds into a pair of jeans I wore when that weight wasn’t there. I knew what I had to do win this battle. I went shopping!
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YEP. The next day I went to Walmart and just bought some inexpensive clothes that would fit my body now. I had a short relapse in the aisle when I realized what size I would have to buy, but I quickly silenced that negative voice inside my head and made the purchases anyway. I won’t be in these clothes long. I am determine to lose this weight. But I need to feel good in what I am wearing today so that I am not obsessing about my old clothes not fitting.
Sunday was the first day that I wore normal clothes in months. Nothing I had on was maternity and I am proud to say that I felt good. Yes I was wearing jeans two sizes bigger than normal and a plus size shirt, but they actually fit my body. And for the first time in I long time I can actually say that I felt beautiful. And that is what’s important.
Do you ever have those days where you end up crying in the closet? Please share how you overcome those moments or how you hope to in the future. Again, I would love to hear from you. We are in this together.
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Tori (http://FIToriBLOG NULL.com) - I am more of a closet pouter and thrower than a crier. Usually, I get mad. I take it out on my hubby by being short w/ him. I get mad at my clothes (like it’s their fault) It’s my stress talking…..
So, I’ll tell you that I’m getting better and I’ll share my experience from a few days ago. I’m back in my “fat” pants after my ankle injury and trying to not LOSE weight and NOT diet in order to maintain my weight for fertility reasons. So, I’m probably up another 5 from when you saw me. Boo, right. Oh well! I put on my “fat” pants on Saturday. It was our anniversary. I put on some pants that are rarely tight and they were so tight that it was humorous so I started joking to Charlie about all that “junk” and how proud I was that I had so much junk in my trunk and laughed about it. We went out for our anniversary breakfast and I had pancakes. And, then I have eaten healthier meals since, but I didn’t let it ruin my day or my next meal out or my life for the day. It was just a moment and now that I realize that I need to drop a few, I’ll do that, but this is only a season. I have control over my weight. I have control over how active I am and what I put in my mouth and it’s not a big deal. My weight doesn’t define who I am. And, really…no one is judging me like I think they are! They really don’t care!
shari (http://www NULL.sharihensonphoto NULL.com/wp) - well, my closet is too small or else i prolly would curl up inside and start crying sometimes! good for you going out and getting clothes that fit! i mean, we did that with maternity clothes, didn’t we? i wear my husband’s gym shorts and nursing camis because we just don’t have it in our budget right now for new clothes. but, i look pretty frumpy most days! haha. i hate that there is this desire inside of me to get back into my clothes immediately after having a baby. i don’t think ‘well, i just had a baby’ is an excuse to eat whatever i want. but it is the reason that it is taking me a long time to get back to my ‘normal’ weight. it’s been over 5 months for me! i’ve come to understand that the tortoise wins the race! even if it is a year later. 🙂
Rebekah - I bought big clothes after I had lily and then had the ones I really liked altered after I finally lost the weight. A good friend told me after I had Natalie to remember that it took 9 months to put that weight on it will be a 9 month (or longer) battle to get it off! Hang in there! You are beautiful!
ashley - yep, been there too.
laurel - i could have written your post. I too would just cry over my clothes not fitting (lets be real though – not everything fits yet and the stuff that fits. . . well, it fits differently then it did in my prepregnancy days). I went shopping for a pair of jeans and i borrowed clothing. I too wasn’t thrilled about the size – but my annoyance was silenced when I put on non-maternity clothing. It was amazing!!!!
I’m glad you are sharing all of this – I didn’t hear any of the struggles of new motherhood or loosing my baby weight until I was faced with it and asking friends for help/venting. I hope that women are reading your blog and that it’s helping to prepare them mentally for both the joys and struggles that come with being a new mama.
as always, i appreciate your vulnerability!