I must confess that I am struggling.
As my due date approaches my brain seems to be running a million miles an hour. I am consumed with so many thoughts. Will I get all my pre-baby “to do” list finished? Have I got all the supplies I need? Have I attended to all my clients? Have I read all the baby books that I wanted to? Do I even remember anything from those books? Do I have everything I need in my hospital bag? Am I really prepared to be a mom? AHHHHH!!!! The list goes on and on.
I think the most difficult aspect right now to deal with though is not knowing WHEN this is all going to happen. Not knowing when the baby is coming and what to expect is the strangest feeling I have ever had. My anxiety level is high and I know it should not be. But all I do is think about when the baby will come and what will that day bring. My due date is not until the 25th of July, but technically the baby could come at any time. That “anytime” is what is freaking me out. Not knowing where I will be at the moment of “anytime” is also a concern. And even sillier yet is the fear I have of not knowing when I am in labor. I am honestly worried that I won’t know that it has started. HA! Writing that down even feels silly. But how am I suppose to know? I have never done this before.
Seriously, I think I may go crazy with all these thoughts. So I am confessing them to you to try to get some peace. I truly believe in God’s timing. I do. I need to remind myself of that timing and wait patiently for it. Waiting patiently for this baby at this point is the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. I really can’t wait to meet him or her. I can envision the moment that Andy and I get to see this baby for the first time and it takes my breath away just thinking about it. I am ready. I am ready for this baby to come into their world and for my life to be forever changed. I have to say that I am excited to be at this point mentally. It feels good. And if I can just focus on that and the joy of it all perhaps my fears and anxieties will melt away.
So that is my pray, to focus on the joy of what is to come and not the “when” of the coming. I am praying for strength and courage in the midst of waiting. Will you join me in this prayer?
Thanks for listening.
(http://www NULL.linkwithin NULL.com/)
shari (http://www NULL.sharihensonphoto NULL.com) - i felt the exact same way….just 11 weeks ago! wow, it seems like forever.
you will feel little kicks or braxton hicks and think, ‘is this it?’ you’re right. you have NEVER done this before so how should you know. the good news is, labor is a long process so you don’t have to know right away.
i remember when my water broke. it was early in the morning and my husband woke up and asked, ‘are you in labor’. as water is GUSHING from me i answer, ‘um…i don’t know…i think so…i don’t know…i mean, there’s a lot of water…i don’t feel anything though.” HAHA. i didn’t have contractions for another hour or so, but HELLO my water OBVIOUSLY broke and i wasn’t sure what was going on!
the Lord made it that way for a reason. HE wants to be in control. no use fighting Him on it.
Jenn Mejia - Hey Renee! I know what you are feeling right now! I am just praying God gives you peace. Alot of what your feeling is GOOD! I see at as you being a good mommy and preparing your “nest”. You guys are going to be wonderful parents, I can see! When the moment FINALLY comes and you meet ur sweet baby you will forget all about the little things that are driving you crazy at this moment. Love you!
Rachel - Definitely praying Renee. God’s timing is perfect!!!
Susie Booe - Renee, I still remember waiting for Andy and I thought the same thing, “How will I know it’s the real thing”. I had Braxton-Hicks contractions for sooo long before the real ones. With both of my kids, I woke up early in the morning with definate pains that were different than any others I had been having. And they continued and I started writing down the time of each one. One thing I did to stop myself from thinking that the baby would come early was to tell myself that it could be late so I wouldn’t expect anything to happen early. I wrote down what the dates would be for about a week past the due date. Then I thought “If he/she comes early, I’ll be glad”. You are going to be such a great mom! I love you, Sweetie!!